The eternal conundrum

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Just wait and watch out for the “hormone overdosed dude” she gets home to meet u…before u get the shotgun out reflect on the fact that in her eyes he is YOUR REPLICA!.  I was not sure what to make of this statement from my ‘Bro’.  Should I be worried that someday, my daughter, my little princess (who I hope will remain a cute little girl forever) would actually start dating and —–holy smokes—-get a guy to introduce to me???  I know these young fellas (I was one not so long ago) and I know what goes on in their twisted little minds :).

Or should I be happy, that my little girl would actually try to find pieces of me with some guy she wants to spend her life with?  So what I know for certain is that I don’t think any guy will ever be good enough for her and I will always see him as a loser.  Ok maybe not completely.  So I should be happy the she will find some loser who she thinks is like me 🙂 WOW, no one told me in parenting class 101 that I would need to deal with these kind of life altering decisions (in addition to changing diapers and cleaning soiled bums).

So I get thinking (I have been tending to do quite a bit nowadays) and think (ok I already said that before). When do kids really stop being your kids and when do you let go? Therefore the eternal conundrum – when does the cute as buttons little one become an adult with a mind of her own?  As a parent should I not protect her from all harm and make sure she is fine? Or should I let her make her own mistakes as she goes through life? Isn’t it one of the beauties of living that one really goes through so much and finally you have so much to really draw from?

My recent conversation with my 4 year old at 8PM on a friday as I drove back home from work

Kiddo – papa when will you get home?

Me – am driving baby I will be home soon

Kiddo – but why are you taking so long?

Me – because, sweetheart, there’s a lot of traffic as everyone is going home and papa is coming as fast as possible

Kiddo (without batting an eyelid) – but papa, why can’t everyone stay home so you can come home quickly?

All reasoning aside, can I really let such a sweet and innocent thing really stumble, fall, get bruised, hurt, cry, have her heart broken (by some jerk who was never good enough for her anyways), laugh etc etc while I put it all down to her tryst with life? As you can see, I quite suck at making parenting decisions and have no clue how to deal with this one.

As most wise people say (am told it’s no longer politically correct to say wise men…LOL) ‘time heals everything’ and I hope time will also provide me an answers to these questions and how to deal with such awkward situations. My dad, he was never the most expressive person when we were kids, but he always engrained in us that we had to experience our own lives and he and my mum would always be there for us.  For that I am eternally grateful.  I think I and my siblings are more independent adults primarily due to my folks. Not to say that we are not close to our parents but I think we have the ability to deal with whatever “googlies” (or curve balls as some people half way across the globe would say) the cosmic powers have to throw at us.

So, as always, I started off this rambling as an insecure dad dreading meeting the “hormone overdosed dude” and have reached the other end of the spectrum where am contemplating the little one flying off the nest and how to deal with all that would happen in between.

So my friends, now you know why the blogs are the ramblings of a confused man and I bet it all makes sense now……

It’s interesting now that I look back and think I have a lot more empathy for my ex father in law (may god bless his soul).  He was a very good man but somehow there was always something missing – he had a really quirky sense of humour but somehow I always felt that he held back when it came to me.  Maybe I did not try to hard (truth be told I was a much younger man and more truth be told…was quite scared of him too).  He was a man of uniform like my dad and had this aura about him which made me just a tad bit weak in the knees. So coming back to the point, I can totally relate to him now.  In me, he saw, a good looking but scrawny guy 🙂 (ok I was not the Greek god then that I am now :):)) and he said the same thing in his head as I do now “what the hell is my daughter doing with this loser? She can do so much better”.  We never really got the chance to bond but am pretty sure even if we did I would never have been able to measure up to the expectations he had for someone worthy of his daughter….

Such is life and I can see it coming across a full circle.

I recently read a small piece which I think summarizes the situation completely and really puts a lot into perspective for all us parents

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.  The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter, “Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river”. The little girl said, “No, dad. You hold my hand.” “What’s the difference?” Asked the puzzled father. “There’s a big difference”, replied the little girl. “If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go”. 

So my little sweetheart, your dad will never stop you from discovering your own life and making your own destiny. But he will always be there to pick you up and put you on your way when you do have a fall.  Your dad will, most likely, never find anyone good enough for you but will accept that in your best judgment he is the best for you and accept the compliment that you see some part of me in him. And finally, your dad will never let go of your hand but he will learn how to slowly let go for you to find your wings………

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6 responses »

  1. LOL…you are thinking too much : ) !…as it’s said ..”“There are two lasting bequests we can give our children: One is roots, the other is wings.” : )…so chill Mr. Daddy Dear 😀

  2. If you give her wings to fly away she’ll find her way right back too. And she’ll keep flying back to you again and again and again. That is the beauty of having wings, the ability to come right back from where you began and to the person who taught you to fly.

  3. this one reminds me of a few things…

    an old levis ad- selling the 5th pocket. hormone overdozed dude(HOD) walks into old chemist’s shop, orders condoms, shrugs off the look…scene changes old chemist walks thro cold london to home, his angelic daughter greets him warmly, he feels good about bringing her up right, settles down with his tea or whatever, door bell rings..he opens to find HOD- both shocked. camera pans to HODs 5th pocket with condom, slug- Levis 5th- often abused or some such- 🙂

    nother one…a project for petcare i did few years ago- dogs & cats specifically…really now:)… defined the pet and master relationship 4 ways-
    a) God- selfless love, complete surrender…these are the most spoilt ones and break all the glass
    b) Lovers- this one is emotional give and take, brings in the egos and all the sulking. think again…we often do this with our children…our egos make us behave that way
    c) Coach-Student: train for the dog show. Amy chua parenting this one/ recall how parents force their kids to go twinkle twinkle in front of guests
    d) forgot the last one…drinking mates i think- one of the behaviors is to share what the eat with the pet. not sure how this one may apply to human kids though

    lastly the case of this african whoz japanese wife walked away with his daughter- apparently in Japanse law the mother gets the client irrespective. It cost hims $350000 and some 5 years to get her back when the mum finally returned to the renew her green card…

    i shall stop. this is getting longer than ur blog.

  4. very beautiful! I am sure my dad had these fears and when I finally asked him to meet “the guy” he wasn’t happy at first [and I feel for the same reason.. when did my girl grow up!] but he came around 🙂
    fathers worry too much.. but I think that’s their job! 😀 I love being a daughter 🙂

    • its great that you liked the post. I can tell you from experience, all fathers have this fear…. I guess, that is one of the great things about a father-daughter bond… its difficult for anyone to really take each other’s place. At best, you tend to make space for more people but that connect never goes away 🙂 I love being a father and worrying too much too…. thats my job as a father anyways 🙂

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